Restless Ramblings

Somewhere between who I was and who I am becoming, there is a quiet woman learning to breathe differently.

I used to be the one who cared for everyone except herself. My focus was always on fulfilling other people’s needs, quietly pushing mine aside. I believed that other people’s happiness was enough to make me happy. And somewhere along the way, in that constant giving, I slowly lost sight of myself.

This did not happen instantly. It was a slow process, where day by day, I started living without feeling alive. I went quieter, fading into a world where I was almost invisible for everyone.

Then one day, something shifted.

I decided to turn my attention inward. I asked myself what makes me happy, what makes me feel fulfilled. It is not easy, especially with the kind of upbringing many of us have, where putting yourself first can feel almost unfamiliar. But I am trying to become someone who can be there for herself before anyone else.

Somewhere between these two versions of me, I am learning to face the quiet battles that arise when I choose my own needs. It takes courage to give yourself permission to be happy. I am gaining that courage, one day at a time.

There are moments where I feel reluctant to chose myself and honestly, I still do not always chose myself, but I have started giving it a thought now. I remind myself that I deserve happiness, fulfilment, and peace. I deserve to rest, to pause, to step back when needed. I am learning that I do not have to be present everywhere. Not every argument, every gathering, or every situation requires my participation. Sometimes protecting my peace means quietly choosing distance. This alone can prove to be the greatest act of self-care sometimes.

And right now, that is exactly what I am learning to do — stepping back from certain issues, certain places, certain people and sometimes even certain moments, so I can finally step into the space where I truly belong: myself.